Grace gave a displeased sigh but didn’t raise her voice back at me.
“MJ, you really need to start going to church. The bible says we shouldn’t forsake the gathering of the brethren”
“let me forsake them!” I interrupted her not minding if she was feeling bad at how rudely I was speaking “let me forsake them! After all they forsook me when I needed them the most“
“what are you talking about? Did your church offend you?”
“my church did not just offend me. They spat me out and made me feel like I’m the first sinner they’ve encountered… mstchew…!”
“MJ, I don’t know what you’re talking about or the extent to which you’ve been hurt but the unforgiveness in your heart is turning you from a sweet, lovely person to a bitter, angry soul.”
It was like someone was pouring iced water on my head. Noone had spoken so lovingly to me since I was discovered pregnant. My heart instantly became soft towards Grace but I didn’t know how to apologize after ranting at her so I picked my bag and walked away without a word.
I began to cry even before I got home.
When I was in the comfort of my room, I called Grace. I wanted to tell her everything over the phone but she refused saying we would discuss the next day at school. After our morning class, Grace asked if I was ready to share what I was going through with her and I answered positively. By the time I was done with the story of my life, Grace held me in her arms and we were both sobbing.
“MJ, I see you’re angry with God but would you at least give the Holyspirit a chance to talk to you?” Grace asked me “allow Him to bear your burdens once more, they are too heavy for you”.
Grace Was right. My burdens were truly too heavy for me to handle. I was nearly collapsing beneath the weight of being a mother, daughter, student and friend at my tender age. When I got home that day, I went to kneel before my bed for the first time in 365 days and I let the tears flow.
“Lord, why didn’t you come and help me through those trying times? I lost EVERYTHING! You knew, you did nothing about it” I wailed.
When I had cried till my voice was gone, I laid my head on the bed almost dozing off, then I heard that sweet, gentle, familiar voice.
“I was going to help you Mary-Jane, but you didn’t let me. You shut the door of your heart against me. I knocked and knocked but you didn’t open up. I was really hurt too.”
It was then I realized how selfish I had been. I didn’t care how the Holyspirit must have felt when I locked Him out of my life. I realized I had hurt Him too.
Ahnahn, why you dey do face like say e shock you?
The Holyspirit is actually a person and can be hurt by our actions and inactions. The bible even says we should not grieve Him and that was exactly what I had done. By locking Him out, I had prevented Him from helping me through my pain.
How did I expect to heal?
©️G.O.V.T💖✍️
